Deadspin trotted out a great piece yesterday discussing your favorite sporting events that your team had nothing to do with.
I used to care a whole lot more than I do about the outcome of sporting events. I used to live and die on what my most hated teams did in the playoffs. I used to ruin my own week based on the outcome of a game that neither the Red Sox, Celtics, or Patriots were playing in.
As I’ve (somewhat) matured, the correlation between my overall mood and the day before’s sporting event has somewhat dwindled, but you bet your ass I can still swear and cheer at the TV screen with the best of them. I narrowed my happiest non-Boston sports memories into five games, and loaded them to hell with YouTube shit to keep you entertained.
5. Shit head Peyton Manning losing Superbowls
I’m going to go ahead and combine these two, because anytime you get to see shit-eating-sack-dragging Peyton Manning fuck everything up it’s a cause for celebration. I don’t really remember the pre-circumstances in the first one, but I remember Peyton Manning and his insufferable Indianapolis Colts were favorited to beat the New Orleans Saints in the Superbowl. I remember that they led at halftime, and that Peyton Manning was killing the Saints with those stupid curl routes he always used to do that no team in the NFL could figure out how to stop.
Then I remember the ballsiest Superbowl call of all-time—Sean Payton’s onside kick call to start the second half. That was glorious. The Saints got the ball to start the half, and gained a 7 point lead late in the game. But still, I remember having the feeling that that fucker Manning was inevitably going to drive his team down the field to tie the game. Then win in overtime. But no! This glorious little glitch in the NFL’s decade long Manning fuckfest happened..
The amount of pure happiness I get from watching that play is unhealthy. Thankfully, that was all just a precursor to this, the biggest shit show in Superbowl history.
I watched every second of that game, which was, in my opinion, the greatest game ever played. Long live the Seattle Seahawks.
4. Mo Rivera blowing it in the 2001 World Series
My baseball fandom as a kid was much stronger than the current state of my baseball fandom. Back then, when the Red Sox really sucked, my favorite team was basically whoever the Yankees happened to be playing in the World Series that season.
The 2001 series was so particularly enjoyable because it was a really great series with or without a team to root against. I still don’t know how the Yankees did not win that series.
I remember going to sleep that night, and asking my mom to put an Arizona hat on the couch if the Yankees lost. That morning, I hauled ass downstairs to see that weird purple hat perched on a cushion on my couch. Let’s go! What a team that was. Schilling. Johnson. Womack. Gonzalez. Counsell. Kim.
Because YouTube is such a beautiful thing, you can watch game seven in it’s entirety.
3. Dirk over LeBron in 2011
Don’t tell me you were pumped when LeBron James went to Miami. Please. If you were on that bandwagon, you were either a Miamian who conveniently started watching basketball or a shitty person.
In other words, you were just a shitty person.
To make that season shittier worse, my Celtics were actually really good that year. They went 56-26 following the NBA Finals heartbreaker in 2010. Morale was high entering that second round series against the Heat. But LBJ and co. breezed by them in five games. And Dwayne Wade separated Rondo’s shoulder. Dick.
None of that mattered, though, because, improbably, the freaking Dallas Mavericks emasculated LeBron James in one of the most famous Finals no-shows ever. The turning point in that series came during game two, when the Heat were already up a game to none, and beating the Mavericks by 20 in the fourth quarter. Led by Jason Terry and Dirk, the Mavericks stormed back and took it by a hair. A half court runner from Dwayne Wade that barely missed would have been the game winner. But it missed. And the Mavericks would go on to win three of the next four. Including the clincher in Miami.
DIRK!!!!!!! JET!!!!!! SHAWN MARION!!!
2. When the freaking Detroit Tigers beat the Yankees in 2006
I like the Tigers because A. If I don’t, who else will? B. Because my Little League team was the Tigers and C. Because my mom grew up loving them.
(D. More recently, I have loved them because I love Miguel Cabrera, a happy drunk who just happens to be the best hitter in baseball.)
So when they got really damn good out of nowhere in 2006, no one was riding that team harder than my mom and I were. They went from not making the playoffs in 19 years to reaching the World Series. It was amazing.
But no moment during that run was more amazing then when they beat the New York Yankees in four games in the ALDS. The Yankees still had that not-gunna-lose aura about them and the Tigers were still……….the Tigers.
But for four glorious games none of that meant anyhting. I don’t remember who caught it (maybe Placido Polanco?) but the clincher was an infield pop up. I freaked the hell out. It was a truly great baseball moment.
Apparently the series clinching play was a groundout? Shit. Let me check if any of the three Tigers wins were decided by a popup.
I must be losing it.
Let’s see what YouTube has for that series.
Here’s the best I could do.
1. The exorcism of the Golden State Warriors
How the hell does a team that won 73 games not win the NBA title? The only way that could possible happen is if LeBron James is on the other team, I think.
Which brings up a better question: How does a 73 win team win 73 games while a top five player of all-time is in the league but on a different team?
MJ’s 72 win team made sense because MJ was on it.
Does that mean Steph Curry will eventually become a top 10 player of all-time? What are the chances, in today’s NBA, that two of the 10 best players ever were playing against each other in the Finals? Has that happened since Bird-Magic? Is Karl Malone a top 10 player ever? Actually, you can argue that that happened with all the Duncan-LeBron Finals. But I could counter argue by asking; were those two ever both in their primes when they played in the Finals? I would say no…..
But I don’t really have the answers to any of these questions.
All I know is I really cannot stand the Golden State Warriors. And I am happy because they lost a game seven with the NBA Finals on the line at home. That’s a weird sentence to type. But it really happened. None of you can argue that.
Image via AP