Running commentary from the first ten picks of the 2016 NBA Draft

Follow along. 

7:27 – PRE DRAFT: The 2016 NBA Draft is about to begin. Crazy shit is about to happen.

Let’s get this over with.

#1 Pick: Ben Simmons, 76ers

#2. Brandon Ingram, Lakers

Adam Silver shouting out the Warriors….shut up! No one wants to hear that after a 73 win season in which you didn’t win the title.

OK, will the 76ers use all five minutes? That’s the real drama here. Maybe Sam Hinkie will swoop in and choose Kris Dunn instead! Trust the process!

So the 76ers are offering a bunch of shit for the Celtics #3 pick, according to Marc Stein.

No thanks.

OK, it’s official.

7:37 – PICK ONE: The 76ers select Ben Simmons. Love the reminder that Joel Embiid has not played a game yet. But really, with a little bit of luck, the 76ers could be a killer team in two or three years. They just need a point guard. Which is exactly why they want Boston’s third pick, presumably to select Kris Dunn.

I think he can be a star.

“I’m comfortable with the system,” Simmons tells Lisa Salters. What system is he talking about? Suck unfathomably bad for four years then back into the #1 pick?

ESPN’s touch board screen is just ridiculous. I feel bad for the old white guys who have to learn how to use that thing. Move on. The pick has been made. Do all the open ended questioning about “the future of this team” later.

The Lakers are ready to make a pick. We know what it’s going to be.

Ok, here’s pitchfork man (Adam Silver).

7:43 – PICK TWO: The Lakers select Brandon Ingram. He has potential to be an elite scorer. A Kevin Durant type. How often do you see a tall and awkward looking dude like him that shoot like that? He shot 43%! He made 83 threes and blocked 40 shots, per Duke sage Jay Bilas. That’s pretty wild.

“Look how skinny you are!” – Lisa Salters.

“I’m only 18” – Ingram. Good answer.

Shut up Hawks!

OK, it’s Boston’s time. What the hell are they going to do? They have less than a minute left.

20 seconds left…10 seconds left…5 seconds left…shiiiiiiiiit, it’s time.

WHAT. NO. WHO? That California guy who fucked up the entire tournament?

7:50 – THIRD PICK: They took Jaylen Brown..

That’s a surprise.

Let’s see here. Jalen seems to like him. But Jalen loves everyone. I would have liked to see Ainge trade the pick.

“He’s got a great body,” says Jay Bilas. Ugh.

So Jaylen Brown reminds Jalen of Tyreke Evans. That’s good? That’s not good.

Thanks for the positive spin, ESPN. But you’re supposed to be positive.

Now Michael Wilbon is accusing Brown of having a broken shot. Nice.

Bilas says he isn’t a good ball handler. Nice.

He had the most turnovers in Division 1 college basketball. Nice.

“I didn’t see him at three.” – Jay Bilas. Nice.


On to the Suns.

7:59 – FOURTH PICK: Dragan Bender!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What do I know about this kid?

He is 18.

He is 7-1.

He played five minutes per game at some random place in Europe.

He can shoot. (36% from Euro-three)

He is now a Phoenix Sun.

He has an incredible name.

Here come the Kristaps comparisons. “Probably a year away from being a Kristaps type.”

He gave a nice interview, at least.

I would bet my life Minnesota picks Kris Dunn. They have stars in Wiggins and Towns and a potential killer role player in Zach LaVine. Now they need to separate themselves from that nightmare 2009 draft completely by showing Rubio the way out and showing Kris Dunn the way he in.

Dunn impressed lots of teams with his predraft workouts. He is a 6’5 true point guard who plays good defense. Him, LaVine, and Wiggins defending the perimeter is going to be something to watch.

8:07 – FIFTH PICK – Kris Dunn.

See ya Ricky! Good job, Minn. Let’s move on.

8:13 – SIXTH PICK – BUDDY!!!!!!!!! Good pick for New Orleans. A good sidekick to Anthony Davis.

That’s a good pick. That’s a great pick, in my opinion. Buddy screams Damian Lillard to me. Older, experienced, great shooter. Slept on.

They both went at no. 6…

Buddy seems like a great guy. He shared one bed with six brothers and sisters? Damn.

His momma is getting a house! Great story. Potential all-star, right there.

8:21 – SEVENTH PICK – The Nuggets take Jamal Murray.

Good pick? Good pick. Murray dropped 20 a game in his one season at Kentucky. That’s impressive. He made 113 threes this season! That’s the second most ever!! (Thanks, Jay Bilas.

“Wired to score.” – Jay Bilas. That sounds good. Sounds a lot better than freaking Jaylen Brown. Damnit.

Michael Redd is the player Jalen compares him to. That’s good. I love that dude.

Side note: I love how Jalen Rose always mentions how much money a player made in the NBA. He did that with Michael Redd. To Jalen (I heard him say this once), there are busts in the NBA. If you make it, and you get paid, then you did it. That’s a great way to look at it. Not like the way we, who never will make the NBA, look at it. We think Greg Oden is a loser. But made millions of dollars. I don’t have millions of dollars.

8:27 – EIGHTH PICK – Marquese Chriss! The guy always turns the ball over!


Thanks, Andy.

He is headed to Phoenix. The Suns considered taking him at no. 4, apparently.

Bilas said wingspan!! Everyone drink.

I love the clarification of why Chriss was still wearing the Kings hat.

Still not sure who the Kings get in this trade. But the Suns certainly seem like everything went the way they wanted it to.

Hm. Ok. Still a little confused as to what the Kings are doing. Doesn’t it seem like they have the same freaking pick every year. No. 8. No. 8. They can’t get out of their own way.

8:33 – NINTH PICK: The Raptors select someone called Jakob Poeltl.



I don’t know. Oh well. Kind of cool for Toronto that they were within two games of the Finals then got the ninth pick, though.

OK, Jakob (Yak-ob) is 7-1. And he want to Utah. Figures. Bilas seems to think he is alright. I don’t know. The lack of hype around this dude is frightening. Let’s see what Twitter thinks.

This was all I found. Seriously. I follow almost every beat writer and NBA guy on Twitter and I couldn’t find anything more than that generic PR Tweet.

OK, so this is interesting.

That is weird, man. Everyone was saying he wouldn’t go in the first round.

Wait, you don’t know who Thon is? Let’s go to YouTube.

It’s official.

8:41 – TENTH PICK – THON!!!

He is Greek Freak 2.0. Strange. I guess that pick worked a few years ago. Also, check this out.


Damn. That’s a dude who has seen some shit. Seems mature, too.

I like the Bucks tenacity. Tenth pick usually doesn’t create this hype. They made some noise. All I know is J-Kidd is going to have a buck-wild (pun) offense next season. Can’t wait to watch this potential train wreck.

OK, that’s it. That’s your top 10. Go to ESPN or something for the rest.

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